Sometimes, because I enjoy sex, I’m open about sex and I educate others about sex, it seems that people assume that I have a perfect, wild and ecstatic sex life 100% of the time. I’m always aware of the messaging … Continue reading
Category Archives: Relationships
5 Fun Things You Can Do with a Vibrator and Your Partner
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For hundreds of years the vibrator has been enjoyed by the female gender as a trusty tool for inducing the big “O.” The vibrator dates back to the 1880’s when it was prescribed to women for “female hysteria,” a blanket … Continue reading
Zen and the Art of Dealing with Jealousy
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How Do You Deal with Jealousy? This is a question I am asked again and again in my work. And also something I continuously process in my own life. In striving to become fully expressed, secure and authentic sexual beings … Continue reading
Media Review ~ Mating in Captivity; Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
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In Mating in Captivity therapist and author, Esther Perel, examines our most cherished institutions: security, fidelity and monogamy. She provokes us to reconsider the ideals, myths, truths and rules we have inherited about relationships and marriage. And provides insight into the age-old dilemmas of sustaining longevity, intimacy and desire. Perel supports her theory with personal case studies from her diverse history of clients.
She writes on page 82:
What makes sustaining desire over time so difficult is that it requires reconciling two opposing forces: freedom and commitment . . . It belongs to the category of existential dilemmas that are as unsolvable as they are unavoidable.
Perel illuminates the personal, historical and cultural influences that can become rigid patterns, that can carry with them fear, resentment, insecurity, judgment and anger toward the one we love the most. She shows us how these underlying currents create rifts in relationships that swallow up excitement, spontaneity, attraction, sensuality, trust and eroticism.
She challenges us to take a closer look at our sexuality, to embrace our desires and our fantasies. To play on the fringes of what we know as comfortable to spark dormant flames. Perel artfully exposes us all through universal stories in which we’ve all played a role and then inspires us to uplift and reclaim our most freely erotic selves.
This is a must read for anyone who wants a more fulfilling, connected and liberated sex life and especially anyone that works with couples around sexuality and relationships. Check her out at: estherperel.com.
Copyright Lara Catone
Sensual Seekers Immersion
Sensual Seekers Immersion – Level 1
This five-week course in sexuality and self-discovery will propel you to new realms in both your erotic and personal life. As you map your own erotic blueprint you will discover new insights and greater celebration of your unique sexuality.
We will explore:
Embodiment – Pump your love muscles, breathplay, creative manifestation and yoga for sex.
Sacred Sexuality – Intro to Taoist, Tantric and Shamanic philosophy and energetic practices.
The Art of Sex – Touch, riding the waves of multiple orgasm, the moan in hormones, sensuality, connection and role-play.
The New Paradigm of Relationship – Communication, boundaries, defining your personal lovestyle.
Healing – Releasing shame and pain. A new view of normal.
Moving from a place of greater self-awareness we will uncover greater depths of our own pleasure and learn techniques to become the ultimate lover.
This course is for men and women, singles or couples, who want to take their erotic life to the next level. A partner is not required. Each class will involve, movement, interactive exercises, lecture/presentation and self-reflection. ALL TOUCH WILL BE NONSEXUAL AND PARTICIPANTS WILL ALWAYS BE FULLY CLOTHED. Homeplay assignments will be given for exploration outside of class.
***Each participant will receive a 30-minute private phone coaching session with Lara as part of the course.***
PREREQUISITE: In order to qualify for the immersion you must have previously taken either Adult Sex Ed! or Women’s Anatomy and Sacred Sexuality with Lara. See laracatone.com for upcoming classes.
Registration details coming soon. For updates contact laracatone@gmail.com.
Five Saturdays: 9/17, 9/24, 10/1,10/15, 10/22
Is Your Bedroom Sex-Friendly?
The value of an erotic environment is quite often over looked. Most of the time we are having sex in our bedrooms but how many of us think about designing our bedrooms for turn on factor? Have you thought about which colors, textures or scents get you going? Or how the lighting can affect your mood?Whether you are single and self-pleasuring, want to call in your ideal lover or cultivate a hot sex life with the one you’re with, a little intention toward your sensual sanctuary can go a long way.
Each person or partnership will have their own expression and aesthetic taste but first you have to identify what those factors are for you. This can be a fun process of self-discovery in learning what you really like. What invokes a feeling of intimacy and pleasure in you? Which bedding, pillows and textures speak sensuality to you? Do you want your outer space to reflect an inner sense of the sacred or your secret fantasies?
Set up a scenario that is designed for uninterrupted loving. Consider what you keep next to your bed. Massage oils, scented candles, condoms, erotica, lube, a blindfold, your sex toy box? Perhaps some hand towels for easy post-play clean up? Having different accoutrements at hand can encourage spontaneity and variety.
Romantic lighting options such as dimmers or candles are essential. Soft lighting allows us to get into a space of relaxation and receptivity. It also allows those of us who feel self conscious to feel more secure. When we’re completely in the dark we can’t gaze into our partner’s eyes or see their ecstatic facial expressions. The right lighting illuminates enough to intrigue and engage and also keeps a little sense of mystery.
Temperature is extremely important too. Personally, I get turned on when the heat literally gets turned up. I like to be warm and love tropical environments. It’s much easier to be swept away in the throes of passion if you’re not worried about keeping warm at the same time. Warmth encourages the body to open and the blood to flow. Blood flowing to the right places is key for arousal. Is there a way to make your room warmer? Less drafty? If this is a challenge perhaps a space heater might be useful.
There are also some things that can distract from your den of desire. In the past has television or working been one of the main events in your bedroom? Be honest with yourself if your television or computer is distracting from connection with your partner. (Less technology near by can encourage a better sex life and will also help you sleep better and live healthier with less exposure to electromagnetic fields or EMFs).
Do you have a family bed or young children? Is your bedroom full of toys and diapers? There are some things you can do if you are temporarily sharing your sleeping space with your little ones. You can still have your bedroom be a place of your sensual expression—after all that is how your baby was created in the first place. Try to keep boundaries on how much baby stuff is around and find a way to organize it or easily put it away for adult moments. Sometimes you have an alternative place in your home that can exclusively serve as your love space outside of your bedroom or in a specific part of your bedroom. It’s important for new parents to keep a sense of themselves and stay connected to their sexuality so creating your love den can be a great exercise in this.
Lovemaking starts long before the first gesture or the first kiss. Your environment can enhance or detract from your ability to get in the mood. Just like you would take a long time to get ready for a hot date–anticipating, choosing the restaurant, your clothing, taking time for extra grooming–put this same care into your chamber of love. Set a space conducive to the passion you desire.
Reclaiming Sexual Vitality for Moms!
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Exhaustion, leaky breasts, spit up, hormones that climb and dive like the hills of a roller coaster—the reality of new mommyhood does not necessarily sound like a steamy recipe for a hot sex life. Not to mention a baby in … Continue reading
Worshiping Your Beloved: How to Receive while Giving
Sometimes we get into patterns where one partner is always initiating sex or we find ourselves wanting our partner to be a mind reader anticipating our wants and needs. To keep things hot, especially in a long-term relationship, it’s important to switch things up. One way of doing this is by creating a romantic scene for your partner and then providing a deliciously arousing experience for them.
Imagine yourself as your partner’s erotic muse and allow yourself to be inspired and joyful in setting the stage. This can provide a long luxurious build up of arousal for yourself as you consider your partner’s turn-ons. Where might the adventure take place? In your bedroom, the kitchen, outdoors, a hotel room? Will you have candles, rose petals, massage oils, fragrances, chocolate, sex toys, items for tying or blindfolding? Will you play in fantasy or connect in reality? What music and lighting would add to the environment? What will you wear? Will you surprise your partner or tease them with juicy hints of how you plan to take them? As you set the space your anticipation and longing starts to build. It’s like seducing yourself!
Continue to build erotic charge when you and your partner come together by taking things slow. You might start by giving them a full body massage or perhaps sitting or lying together quietly gazing into each other’s eyes and breathing deeply. Place your hand over their energetic heart in the center of their chest as you take them in with your eyes and breath. Tease your partner by bringing your lips close to theirs as if you’re going to kiss them and then back away and come back in again. Move from a place of appreciation. See your partner as a god or goddess worthy of all the love you have to give. As you touch, stroke or kiss your lover, have fun, be playful and enjoy their pleasure. If you’re enjoying yourself, it is guaranteed that your partner will receive greater enjoyment from what you’re doing.
Now that you’ve set the stage and initiated intimacy, be open to things unfolding on their own. You might move into new realms of sexual experience just through the intention behind your creativity. Sexual and creative energy are one in the same when you take time for your lovemaking, fantasizing and preparing hours or even days ahead, you can open to an element of sacredness as well as infusing your relationship with an erotic super charge.
photo credit: favima.com
How Talking Can be the Best Foreplay
Every romantic relationship has its ups and downs. We grow together and as individuals when we come up against a wall and we find a way to either break it down or hurdle it. When things go unsaid in a relationship we begin to create a divide. As we try to protect ourselves by hiding how we really feel or write our own mental story about what our partner may or may not be doing, we start to harbor feelings of resentment. This mountain of unexpressed thoughts and feelings pushes our lover further and further away.
When things aren’t jiving we tend to notice it in our sex lives first and foremost. We might not feel very connected when we make love or we just feel like we are going through the motions without actually enjoying it. Sometimes couples stop having sex altogether or withhold sex from one another as a form of punishment. These are all red flags that something needs to be cleared through compassionate communication.
Recently I noticed a distance from my partner as we were navigating a challenging time. It was something that I could feel and I also noticed that we weren’t being as sexual as usual. Our communication had been challenging, as we weren’t taking the time to sit down, be with each other and everything that we were feeling.
When we finally did devote the time to working it out—we listened, we cried, we laughed and held each other. The more that we shared, the closer we became. It seems that each time we get past one of these hurdles, we are able to receive each other more fully. We open to each other and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. All of this makes for amazing sex! When we let ourselves go and fully trust one another there is a new level of safety, a key component to great lovemaking. After that great talk we loved each other up in all kinds of ways and our closeness and revived sexual appetite fed the days ahead.
Luckily, my partner and I are both very sensitive and aware so moments of disconnect don’t generally last very long. When someone is not saying something it becomes very obvious very quickly. Clear and authentic communication is something we value most in our relationship. Because we share this intention, we are in constant practice with it. Through our ebbs and flows, we have found ways to express even when it’s difficult. We also have code words that we use when we are feeling a certain way. Sometimes it’s easier to access the code word than to go right into all of the feelings. Especially if you need a little time to process on your own before bringing it into conversation.
Whether it’s to air a pent up feeling or just to check in with how your partner is doing try a little conversational foreplay from the heart. Look into your partner’s eyes and really listen to them. Reveal something about yourself –your thoughts, your dreams, your desires. It’s best to start this kind of foreplay outside of the bedroom and when the clothes come off let the words, and your self, go.
copyright Lara Catone
Ascend Erotic Realms with Role Play
We naturally play different roles when we are making love—the seducer, the initiator, the flirt, the giver, the receiver, the witness to the experience. Sometimes the way we are feeling emotionally drops us into different roles—the soft and sweet kitten that purrs with every caress or the strong and powerful lion that ravishes its prey.
It’s when we get stuck in the same roles and routines with our partners that things begin to fizzle in our sex lives. Adding some intention and awareness behind the roles that you play can reignite the spark. Tonight I’m feeling particularly frisky so I’m going to play with being dominant.
With our creative minds there are infinite roles we can play and places that we can go with our partners. Imagine your bedroom becoming an 18th century castle and your mate is now your mistress or your faithful servant. Playing different roles allows us to step outside of the boundaries of how we define ourselves in our relationships and sexuality. It can also give permission to try new things. The naughty girl or boy that you’re portraying might do something that you wouldn’t normally do yourself. The play space can transmute the shameful and taboo into erotic excitement and passion.
Role play allows us to explore fantasy while staying connected to our partners. A lot of people seek this excitement by going outside of their relationships or through visual stimulation like pornography. Because we’re all multifaceted beings we can have a multifaceted love life even within a committed or monogamous relationship.
The hardest part of role play might be beginning. Remember that you’re already playing roles anyway. This is just a game of stretching and expanding those roles. It’s always good to have a conversation with your partner to let them know what you’re interested in trying and why it’s important to you. You can then discuss different scenarios. What fantasies turn you on? Who would you like your partner to be? Who would you like to be? In order to go here both partners have to give each other permission to share their authentic fantasies without judging them. If jealousy comes up just notice it and then be grateful that you can share so openly with your partner. This exploration creates a new way to look at your erotic themes—what is it that really excites you and to also learn about your partner.
Take a leap of faith and try on one of your inner sexy characters. You can get really into it by dressing the part and even setting the scene with props or music. Or just let your imagination run wild and chances are your arousal will too. You may just transcend new realms of your sexuality as you cross into another time and space with your beloved.
copyright Lara Catone
