Victim, Tyrant, Savior – Free Yourself from the Drama Triangle

22This week I planned to write about the summer season of fire and the relationship between sex and creativity.  Personally, I am ignited and inspired in this moment as many seeds I have planted reach full bloom.  Yet, the greater landscape is calling my attention. 

On the wheel of the year the summer also aligns with the high noon sun and the full moon.  Full illumination.  This is the time when things come into full expression including those parts of us that were lurking in the shadows not ready to be seen. 

We are witnessing this in the cultural and political climate.  We have a tremendous opportunity here and now to SEE. It is a call to cease participating in the same old story.  It is a call to go inward.  It is a call to see the deeper structures at play.  It is a call to freedom—first and foremost within yourself. 

What is being played on the world stage mirrors our own way of being in relationship.  The players are the victim, the tyrant and the savior.  This is known as the drama triangle and also a codependent relationship dynamic.  The victim can also be the martyr, the tyrant the persecutor and the savior the caretaker or the hero.  We are all participating in this drama, it is the fabric of how we are held together in a world of power over

We all play all of the roles—I promise.  We play them in personal relationships, they are the foundation of our government institutions and businesses and we enact them on a global level.  I have had my own deep initiations in seeing my personal participation in the drama triangle in the last year.  Initiations that rocked my world and shattered my perception.  Witnessing ourselves in this requires incredible amounts of self-compassion, self-love and deep listening.

As I’ve tracked my own enactment of this drama, I feel like I’ve popped out of the matrix.  I see how this is at work in even the most subtle levels.  As I listen, I can hear which voice is coming through and how we shift back and forth from victim to tyrant to victim to caretaker to tyrant. I so clearly see it in the current violence that has captured our attention here at home in the US. 

I’m also learning that there is something beyond this, that we can liberate ourselves of this dynamic, that there is an entirely new way, a different conversation altogether to be had. 

As someone that creates media, I feel compelled to invite us outside of the box, or in this case, the triangle.  It’s time to get really clear about what we are participating in and how we participate.  It’s time to release any notion of having the solution.  The “answer” is something revelatory. 

Go inward.  Listen.  Grieve all the ways in which this drama has caused you pain. Gaze into the center of your holy rage. Flail in your fear.  Stop knowing.  Start dreaming.  Linger in the gap of your great inquiry.  There is something very important for you to see in all of these sacred dark spaces.

The two things that we must know is that we are loved and that we belong.  We each play an important role in untangling this drama and leading the way into something different, something extraordinary.   

What is called for now is not black or white, this or that.  As long as there is a tyrant there will be a victim.  As long as there is a victim there will be a caretaker. 

What needs to arise will surface through the murky gray waters.  It will come to us as we journey in the depths of complexity and sitting in the tension of “both and.”   

Feel the beauty and the terror.  The destruction and the possibility.  The darkness and the light.  The ending and the beginning. 

Catch me on the end of my spring/summer tour + a new virtual class!

photo credit:  Thye Reading